well i'm at work again...what a suprise except today is new years eve. and i'm sitin here for 8 hours wonderin y i am here....it's not bad...not hard ...just , kinda like a 4year old with downsyndrome smokein crack put incharge of everyone arround here...make sence?..well it would if you were here...i talked to my baby the other day..for about 30sec b4 someone else got on the phone...i miss her sooo much..and i try soo hard to put her out of my mind...what u don't remember dosen't hurt...but i can't and i feel bad that i try...|| i deploy in 2 weeks and i goin to have so much to do but i still can't forget what i left...my baby...my friends...one of my friends won't even talk to me any more and i don't know why...most the time i was home i was upset over something or other...i think my baby has a new daddy...idk..i hope he treats her well....and y did i deside to take this job...oh yea because i thought it would make things easyer...what a joke i was tellin myeslf, but it is my life now...and i guess i'm goin to live it..you know how everyone says if i could go back and change somethin....i wouldn't...i learned once u make choices and u live with the consequences..and i'm goin to stick with that...worry about now and the next day...not yesterday....i've been at this 2years...and even if i got out today i don't think i could go back to what i was...i thought it was funnin in bootcamp when they say you'll change...but they're right..u do...and i'm still here...some of my friends didn't make it this far...some of them aren't goin to make it off deployment...but i am...i remember my english teacher always wanted me to keep a journal..i can't do that shit...i wright when i feel it and when i don't i can't...well here it is all out on paper...well not paper but whatever..well time to submit into whatever will be of it..

~riesjac
i might be a black light but atleast i'm not burnt out..