ok i'm goin to start that i'm half way arround the world from most of the people who can read this....secondly i will say this is some crazy shit you don't look at the women at all..you haggle the price of evertying down.....you pay in duran and it's like 3.67 duran to 1 usd...so normaly you are paying that extra dollor to cover it....i was my daughters birthday recently and i didn't get to talk to her....makes me realise what a shit bag i realy am....i hope one day to be able to live with my daughter again...well at least neer her so i can be with her...for now ...i know this sounds wrong...but i fight so hard not to think about it...because when i do i just can't do it...you can never understand how much you will miss your son or daughter untill you have one for yourself...i would give anything to be with her right now....at first i joined this ass backwards orginisation to suport my daughter...then i couln't seee them hurt anymore....i broke...u can't makes sence of it untill it is you who is gone for months on top of months.....u break....and you change...you just stop talkin about anything that has anything to do with haven a kid....somethin i realised soon after i joined is i'm a horable father....i left....i'm no beter then a man who leaves his family on the street....i hate my self for that...and i probobly always will...but those are my demons...and i beleave that you are responsible for anything that you do so in the end i deserve worse...but i will never shed a tear...like i saied earlyer...i broke....i don't know who i am...i don't trust myself...i don't like myself...but i keep letin myself play this game in my head that tells me everything is alright....well this post is from jeb'allie and i'm still lost...maby one day i can find my self...and i might return....well it's after 2pm so i get get beer....time to forget again....have fun all

~~i might be a black light but i'm not burnt out.......
``Riesjac